Obi Wan Has a Bad Day
by ForceForGood
Summary: What happens when all of Obi-Wan's crushes end up in the same room together? Lighthearted humor/romance with Siri, Satine, Padme, Ventress and a secret admirer. Clone Wars era. Now complete! Find out who Obi-Wan goes home with!
1. Chapter 1

**Author**: ForceforGood

**Description**: What happens when all of Obi-Wan's crushes get thrown into the same room with him? A piece of lighthearted silliness I invented when I challenged myself to write SiriWan, Obidala, Obitine and Ventrobi - all in the same story! Yep, I went there.

**Genre**: Humor, parody, romance. No slash.

**Rated**: PG/K+

**Characters**: Obi-Wan Kenobi, Siri Tachi, Duchess Satine, Padme Amidala, Asajj Ventress and a mysterious stranger

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the Star Wars universe or any of the characters therein, nor do I make money from my fabulous fanfics. The plot of this story may vaguely resemble events from "The Clone Wars" cartoon, but I freely tweaked as needed to suit the purposes of my story. Oh, and I also shamelessly stole several lines of dialogue from "The Goonies" in the first chapter. They were just too perfect not to use.

**Chapter 1: Siri**

"You want me to do _what_ with you?" Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Master and hero of the Clone Wars, stared at his friend Siri Tachi in utter disbelief.

"Shhhhh!" Siri put a finger over his lips. "Not so loud, or the clones will hear!"

"Have you completely lost your senses?" Obi-Wan demanded, a little more quietly this time. There was only a handful of clones in the hangar bay of the _Sundered Heart_, but he didn't think it would be good for their morale to hear two of their superior officers having a disagreement of this nature.

"Not at all. I've done it before, haven't you?"

"No, I most certainly have not! It's too dangerous!"

"I bet Anakin has."

"Well, Anakin is a braver man than I am."

"Come on, it's not _that_ dangerous."

"Two starfighter pilots flying straight at each other at full speed isn't dangerous?"

"Not if they're _Jedi_ pilots," Siri explained patiently. "And it's not as if anyone does it just to show off. The slip-jaws maneuver could save your life someday, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan scowled at the floor. "I don't know..."

He'd been hoping to use this rare bit of downtime to relax for a change, but Siri had strange ideas on what constituted relaxation. They were on board a Corellian Corvette with a small contingent of clone troopers, en route to Mandalore at the request of the Jedi Council. Duchess Satine Kryze of Mandalore had been called to testify before the Galactic Senate regarding the activities of Death Watch, a Mandalorian terrorist group rumored to be garnering the support of the Confederacy of Independent Systems. Satine was an unapologetic pacifist who staunchly refused to take sides in the Clone Wars. Because Death Watch had already made an attempt on Satine's life, the Council had deemed it prudent to send Obi-Wan and Siri to escort her to Coruscant. They were docking now at Exis Station, a space station midway between the two worlds, waiting for the _Sundered Heart_ to be refueled and restocked before they continued.

"Come on, we'll do it at half speed first, just to be safe," Siri coaxed. "Please?"

Obi-Wan sighed, but he knew from long experience that he couldn't withstand Siri's cajoling for long. "Why do I get the feeling you're going to be the death of me?"

"You're probably right, but since we have to die sometime, what a way to go!" Siri grinned mischievously and slapped his back before waving a clone over.

"We'll be taking the starfighters out for a spin while we wait," she told the commander. "Are they fueled and ready to go?"

"They're fueled, General, but I'd like to run a flight check before you go out. It should only take a few minutes."

"Very good."

"Now," Siri said to Obi-Wan as the clones switched on the engines of two sleek Jedi Interceptors and began performing the flight checks, "let's review. We don't want any mistakes. Imagine we're out there in the midst of a battle and we both have Vulture Droids on our tails and can't shake them. What should we do?"

"We should come around so that we're facing each other at a distance of at least 1000 meters," Obi-Wan recited obediently. "Then we head almost directly for each other, with an offset of just one meter." He shook his head again at the insanity of it.

"And then?" Siri prompted.

"And then, being _extremely careful_ and paying _very close attention_ to the Force," Obi-Wan emphasized, giving Siri a significant look, "at the last moment we each tilt our starfighters to starboard by 90 degrees and slide past each other belly to belly."

"And the hypothetical Vulture Droids chasing us would slam into each other, solving the problem nicely," Siri finished with satisfaction.

And so it was that Obi-Wan ended up strapping himself into the seat of his new blue-and-white starfighter, which looked much like the Aethersprite interceptor he'd used a year ago to chase Jango Fett through the asteroid belt encircling Geonosis, only more stubby-nosed and with the addition of S-foils on each side to radiate excess engine heat when traveling at attack speeds. The starfighter was extremely light and maneuverable, partly because the designers had chosen not to weigh it down with shields. Making what he was about to do with Siri all the more dangerous.

"Relax," Siri's voice said in his ear the moment he donned his headset, as if she could read his mind. He could see her across the hangar bay lowering the canopy onto the cockpit of her red-and-white starfighter. "We'll be fine. You and I make a great team."

"Siri, I have a bad feeling about this."

"You always say that! Don't be so gloomy."

Once they'd launched into space and done a few quick jaunts around the space station to warm up, they moved a safe distance away for their first practice run. They agreed to fly at half-speed to start with, and at Obi-Wan's insistence they also began with an offset of 15 meters, rather than one. Even at that distance, Obi-Wan felt his stomach lurch into his throat as he saw Siri's starfighter streak toward his. He made a precise 90 degree tilt just as they passed each other, and he saw on his targeting computer that he and Siri were tilting in opposite directions in perfect synch, the bellies of their starfighters precisely 15 meters apart for a split second before they passed each other.

For the next run they kept at half-speed, but aimed for a one-meter offset. This time, Obi-Wan forced himself to keep his eyes off his instruments and instead focused his concentration on the Force, trusting it to guide his hands and keep him safe as Siri's starfighter whipped past him so closely that it seemed inevitable one of them would clip the other's craft, but whether by skill or the grace of the Force, they didn't.

"Obi-Wan!" Siri's voice crackled indignantly over the comm as they circled back around to face each other again. "That was five meters, not one! What happened? Are you afraid to get close to me or what?"

"I'm not afraid!" Obi-Wan defended himself. "I'm just... cautious."

"Oh, _cautious_. I see."

"That actually felt pretty good," Obi-Wan said. As a matter of fact, it had been almost exhilarating. Much less nerve-wracking than the first run, when he'd been looking at the instruments. "Let's try full speed now."

"And one meter apart this time?"

"Yes, I promise."

They faced each other head-on, simultaneously gunned their engines, and in just a few seconds they had both reached full attack speed.

Quieting his mind and opening himself up to the Force, Obi-Wan let his hands rest lightly on the controls as he gazed at the red-and-white starfighter growing larger and larger in the viewport, heading straight for him. He could sense Siri's bright presence in the Force, her own calmness and confidence in both her own skills and his. He could feel the thrumming of his starfighter and foresee the movement of hers. When he was this thoroughly immersed in the Force, it often seemed as though time slowed to a crawl, and so it was now. As they rocketed toward each other, he actually caught a glimpse of Siri's serene face through the cockpit viewport an instant before they tilted to brush past each other, and felt in that instant that he and Siri were not merely united in the Force, but actually _one_. He lost himself in the perfectness of that moment.

Then he felt a strange jolt, and abruptly the stars began to spin around him in a sickening way; he was in an uncontrolled spin, the g-forces flattening him to the right side of his cockpit to the limits of his harness. Instantly he was so disoriented and his vision so blurred that he was not even sure which thruster to activate to compensate, and he didn't know if he could reach the controls even if he figured it out. The g-forces held him so firmly to the side of the cockpit that he might as well have been pinned there. In a moment he would lose consciousness...

"Obi-Wan! _Obi-Wan_!" Siri voice sounded urgently in his ear. "Port thruster! Port thruster! _Obi-Wan_!"

Obi-Wan reached out, but he couldn't seem to touch the lever. Siri's voice was growing fainter, drowned out by the rushing sound in his ears. With a final terrible effort, Obi-Wan clumsily extended his hand and tried to draw on the Force to move the lever just as a gray haze descended over his vision.

When he came to again, he found himself drifting quietly among the stars. Siri's starfighter was motionless a short distance away.

Shakily, Obi-Wan activated the comm. "Siri?" he said groggily.

"I'm here," Siri said quietly. "Are you all right?"

"Never better," he mumbled, rubbing his aching forehead.

"Can you follow me back to the _Sundered Heart_?"

"Uh. I think so. Don't go too fast."

"Got it. Here we go." Siri's starfighter slowly accelerated, and she led him in a half-circle until the space station was in view with the _Sundered Heart_ docked on the upper ring. It should have been a nice, easy flight back, but Obi-Wan's limbs felt like rubber and he made an embarrassingly clumsy landing in the hangar bay. A clone lifted the canopy off his cockpit and somehow Obi-Wan managed to unbuckle himself and stagger out onto the wing. But when he stepped down off the wing, his legs gave out under him and he half-collapsed onto the wing, clinging onto it for dear life to keep himself from sinking to the deck.

"Are you all right, sir?" the clone asked, alarmed. Across the hangar bay, Obi-Wan heard the clatter of Siri's headset hitting the deck, and the rapid thump of her boots as she ran over to him and helped prop him up against the wing. Obi-Wan put his head down so that his cheek rested against the icy-cold metal.

"I hate you, Siri Tachi," he said hoarsely.

"He's delirious," he heard Siri say to the clone hovering uncertainly nearby. "He doesn't know what he's saying."

She leaned in close to Obi-Wan and patted his back sympathetically. "You poor thing," she murmured in his ear. "I'm sorry, I really am. But if it makes you feel any better, we flew the maneuver perfectly. You just overcorrected a bit when you hit the heat wake of my exhaust port."

He _didn't_ feel any better. As a matter of fact, he felt like he was going to lose his lunch. He tried to tell Siri that, but "Whuuurf," was all he managed to get out.

"Here, lie down for a moment," she said, helping him flop himself off the wing and onto the deck on the hangar bay. "Just wait until it passes."

Obi-Wan curled pathetically into a fetal position and closed his eyes, waiting for the universe to stop spinning around him. Siri knelt by his side and began to gently run her fingers through his hair. After a few moments, he could feel the soft pulse of the Force flowing from her fingertips into his body, helping him relax and gradually easing the nausea.

"I take it back," he whispered when he was finally feeling human again. He opened his eyes and rolled onto his back so he could look up at Siri. "I don't hate you after all."

"I know," Siri said matter-of-factly.

"That was a pretty sweet maneuver, despite the anti-climatic ending."

"I think we were actually _less_ than a meter apart." Siri's face glowed with pride.

"Thanks for saving my life."

"You're welcome. You know, I don't think I've ever told you, but your voice is kind of nice when your grumpiness isn't ruining it."

"And your looks are kind of nice. When your face isn't ruining it."

Siri laughed lightly, and even though Obi-Wan would never admit it to her, he could and did admit to himself that Siri's face was actually quite pretty when she laughed.

Then, from his vantage point sprawled on the deck, he noticed that the blue and white paint on the underside of his starfighter was blistered, blackened and peeling. He sat straight up, feeling a surge of indignation. "Siri!"

"What? What is it?"

"You scorched my undercarriage!"

Siri rolled her eyes. "Stop talking dirty, Kenobi, and get up off the floor. The crew is getting ready to re-enter hyperspace."

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's note: I had intended to update this twice a week, but a death in the family put a kink in the plan. I should be able to post regularly from now on. By the way, does anyone know if, and how, I can fix my title so it says "Obi-Wan" instead of "ObiWan"? I can't get it to accept the hyphen._

**Chapter 2: Satine**

Obi-Wan and Siri followed their guide along a stone walk through verdantly green landscaping which led up to the steps of Duchess Satine Kryze's palace in Sundari, the capital city of Mandalore.

Prominently displayed in several places on the manicured grounds were large signs that proclaimed "Peace Park." Siri studied them, bemused, as they passed by.

"Pacifist Mandalorians?" she whispered quietly to Obi-Wan. "I never saw _that_ coming. Did you?"

Mandalorians had long been known as the fiercest warriors in the galaxy, but Obi-Wan knew what Siri was asking him. He had had the privilege of getting to know Satine personally many years ago, back when she was a frightened young woman on the run from insurgents who were threatening the stability of the government. He and Qui-Gon had worked to ensure her personal safety for over a year. Now, she was not only leader of the New Mandalorians but also a respected voice on the Council of Neutral Systems, a group of galactic leaders who had banded together in the hopes of remaining neutral during the Clone Wars.

"That period of fear and violence early in the Duchess' life had a tremendous impact on her," he told Siri. "When things settled down and Qui-Gon and I felt it was safe to discontinue our protection, she swore that as Mandalore's leader, she would never subject anyone else to the terror she had felt, no matter how richly they might deserve it. Apparently, she meant it."

"But it's left her and her people incredibly vulnerable," Siri said. "These terrorists controlling Death Watch - they've been unbelievably bold in their attacks because they know she won't fight back."

"It isn't that she won't fight back," Obi-Wan said, "she's just determined to do it in some way other than violence. From what I've heard of her leadership, she's skilled in the political arena and she's good at winning allies. Once we get her safely to Coruscant and she testifies before the Senate about Death Watch's activities, she'll have the opportunity to do just that."

"But Chancellor Palpatine suspects she may be secretly in league with the Separatists already. He's going to try to pressure her to throw Mandalore's official support behind the Republic. You know he will."

"It doesn't matter. She won't do it. You have no idea how stubborn she can be. She'll do anything she can to ensure Mandalore remains independent. Anyway, it doesn't matter what we think. We don't have to get involved in the politics, thank the Force. All we have to do is make sure she reaches Coruscant safely."

They had reached the top of the palace steps, and their guide led them through a spacious anteroom and into a formal receiving chamber. There, surrounded by elegant white columns and canopied by rich red drapes, the Duchess Satine Kryze sat gracefully on an elevated platform scattered with cushions, a pensive expression on her face. She wore a rich blue gown and a curving headdress that framed her face and obscured most of her blonde hair. She glanced up as Obi-Wan and Siri walked in and bowed respectfully to her.

"Your Highness, I present Jedi Masters Siri Tachi and Obi-Wan Kenobi," their guide said with a bow, then at a nod from the Duchess he exited the room.

The Duchess regarded Siri silently for a long moment, then turned to study Obi-Wan. He couldn't help but take in a soft breath and hold it as her light blue eyes locked with his. Suddenly he felt as though his knees were turning to water.

_Oh, no. Not good. _

It had been so long since he'd seen her, and so much had changed since then, for both of them. He had hoped against hope that she would no longer have this power over him, but here it was, as strong as ever, and entirely against his will.

_Not good at all._

Siri nudged Obi-Wan discretely with her elbow - they had agreed beforehand that he would do the talking, since he already knew the Duchess - but he found himself completely speechless. After an awkward moment, Siri realized he wasn't going to talk and smoothly stepped up.

"It is our pleasure to accompany you to Coruscant, Your Highness," she said politely - and Siri could be beautifully polite, when she wanted to be. "You have our assurance that you will be safe with us there to protect you."

"This is entirely unnecessary," Satine said firmly. Her crescent-shaped earrings swung gently back and forth against her ivory neck. "I have my own bodyguards to protect me. I have reason to believe that Chancellor Palpatine insisted on the presence of Jedi only because he wishes to make it appear that I am allying myself with the Republic. It will not work. I have no intention of allying myself with either side."

"I promise you, we were not instructed to persuade you to our cause." Obi-Wan had found his voice at last. "We were told to keep you safe, that is all."

"The Jedi have a new definition of 'safe' these days," Satine said. "I remember a time when the Jedi were peacekeepers. Now they are militarists." Her voice was low with disappointment, and she looked at Obi-Wan directly as she delivered this speech. He felt himself melting somewhat under her intense gaze, but he also felt a twinge of annoyance.

"Not by choice, Your Highness," he said as politely as he could.

"Of course you have a choice," Satine said sharply. "One always has a choice."

"I beg your pardon, Duchess. It isn't my intention to argue."

"That's a shame," Satine said, her mood suddenly lightening. She leaned back on her cushions and a smile touched her face. "You and I had a lot of wonderful arguments back in the day, didn't we? And yet we always managed to be pleasant to one another."

"A tradition that should remain unchanged," Obi-Wan said with a slight bow, and he couldn't help but smile back at her.

"Speaking of change..." Satine said. "I have a question to ask you."

"I would be happy to be of assistance."

Satine rose from her cushions and descended the shallow steps from her platform until she stood on the last step, at eye-level with Obi-Wan. She looked at him seriously for a moment, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"Why did you grow the beard?" she asked curiously.

"Why did I... what?" Obi-Wan floundered for a moment. It didn't seem the appropriate venue to explain to her that he was embarrassed that his own Padawan - former Padawan, now - was taller than him, and that he had grown the beard in an attempt to emphasize his greater age and experience. Finally, he decided to use an evasion tactic. "Why, what's wrong with it?"

Satine shrugged gracefully. "It hides too much of your handsome face."

A few feet away, Siri was now fixing her best Steely Jedi Gaze directly on Satine, who seemed completely oblivious to it.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat sheepishly and desperately changed the subject. "We'd like to meet with your head of security, Your Highness, and thoroughly inspect your ship before we depart."

"Of course. My aide, Pedar, will see to the arrangements." A middle-aged man stepped forward at a gesture from the Duchess. "It is good to see you again, Obi-Wan," Satine added in a low voice. "And a pleasure to meet you, Master Tachi."

At a nod from the Duchess, Pedar escorted the Jedi from the room.

* * *

Obi-Wan had never before used the word "embarrassing" to describe the devastating blast of a thermal detonator, but that was the first word that popped into his head when a bone-shaking explosion suddenly rocked the ship and knocked them out of hyperspace, leaving them drifting in empty space.

After all, he was the one who had supervised the clones who inspected the ship and declared it free of explosives.

The hull of the ship was not breached, thank the Force, but as reports came pouring in from the crew members stationed near the engine room and the recycled air of the ship became acrid with the smell of scorched machinery, it quickly became clear to Obi-Wan that they would not be going anywhere in a hurry. Duchess Satine, to her credit, chose not to waste any time casting blame, but calmly ordered the bridge crew to use the communications array to send a distress signal back to Coruscant. No sign of the saboteur had been found yet, so a squad of four clone troopers surrounded Satine, each with a high-powered blaster rifle held across his chest, ready to protect her if anyone approached too closely.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan and Siri huddled together and occupied themselves with trying to guess who on board was capable of sneaking a thermal detonator on board and exploding it without detection, and what their next move might be.

"The Duchess said she brought only her most trusted aides on this journey," Siri whispered to Obi-Wan, "but I sense we have a traitor in our midst." Nodding his agreement, Obi-Wan looked at the aides bustling around the bridge shouting orders to each other, and his suspicion was kindled. It could have been any one of them, or even several of them working in league. He was itching to charge off, lightsaber in hand, to search the ship bow to stern with Siri and root out the traitor or traitors before they could harm Satine, but he knew the situation called for more finesse.

A half-formed idea popped into his head, and he quickly whispered it to Siri. "It's brilliant," she whispered, her eyes shining.

"But where should we hide Satine, to keep her safe in the meantime?"

"I've got an idea about that," Siri said with a mysterious smile. "The perfect place. Somewhere they'll never look for her."

They stepped away from each other and approached Satine, who was watching over the communications officer's shoulder as he sent the distress signal.

"Your Highness," Obi-Wan said in a voice perfectly audible to everyone on the bridge, "I think under the circumstances it would be best if we escorted you to the safe room now."

Satine's shoulder's sagged, and Obi-Wan couldn't blame her for not relishing the thought. The safe room was a tiny space located in the center of the ship. Its walls, floor and ceiling were heavily armored to be able to withstand a great deal of bombardment. Many Senators and other powerful galactic leaders had a similar room installed in their personal transports in case of emergency. He could see in Satine's eyes that she wanted to object, wanted to insist that she remain on the bridge and in control of the situation, but when he leaned toward her and added in a quiet undertone, "Please?" she hesitated only a moment before capitulating.

It only took them a few minutes to reach the center of the ship.

"Wait," Satine said, craning her neck trying to see through the clone troopers surrounding her. "I think we just passed it!"

"We're not taking you to the safe room," Obi-Wan said.

"But you said-" Satine stopped. "Oh, yes, I see. You'll be staking out the safe room, then?"

"Yes. Since the saboteur must be someone close to you, they would have known there was a safe room on the ship and they would have planned for it. When he or she arrives to finish the job, we'll be waiting."

"Waiting to take them captive, you mean," Satine said firmly. "I will have no killing on my ship."

"We have no intention of killing them. We want to question them," Obi-Wan assured her.

"And no amputations either!" Satine added suddenly. "Leave that lightsaber right where it is on your belt!"

Siri rolled her eyes expressively, but thankfully Satine didn't seem to notice.

"Where _are_ you taking me, anyway?" the Duchess asked.

"Yes, where _are_ we taking her?" Obi-Wan asked Siri, realizing she had never said.

"Somewhere safe," Siri said with a gleam in her eye. They had reached the back of the ship now. Siri stopped in front of a door and pressed a control. The door slid open and Siri gestured gracefully for the Duchess to enter first.

"Ugh! It stinks!" Satine said, holding her nose and backing away. "What is this place?"

"The garbage chute," Siri said.

"The _garbage chute_?" Satine said, outraged.

"The _garbage_- Siri!" Obi-Wan glared at her.

"What? It's the last place on the ship anyone will think to look for her!"

"I think this is a little beneath the dignity of a Duchess and a lady, Siri!" he hissed.

"That's exactly why it's so perfect!"

"Keep going," Obi-Wan ordered the clones. "We're going to find a better hiding spot."

"No, Obi-Wan," Satine said abruptly. "It's fine."

"No, it isn't! We'll find-"

"We're wasting time," Satine said. "We'll all feel pretty stupid if the saboteur comes upon us arguing like this." And before Obi-Wan could stop her, she jumped into the chute.

A squishy splash sounded a second later.

"Brave girl," Siri said admiringly in the silence that followed.

Obi-Wan buried his face in his hands. Then he heard four more splashes one after another; the clones diving in the chute after her.

Obi-Wan lowered his hands and fixed his sternest Steely Jedi Gaze on Siri, but she was unmoved. "Well, shall we?" she asked brightly, and without waiting for an answer she turned around and headed back toward the safe room.

Annoyed, Obi-Wan followed her. They stopped when they were just a few corridors away from the entrance to the safe room. Siri quietly unclipped her lightsaber from her belt and glanced back to make sure Obi-Wan was ready.

"No lightsabers, remember!" he whispered in her ear.

"Are you crazy?" Siri hissed back. "I'm not fighting them bare-handed! What if they have blasters?"

"But Satine said..."

Siri made an impatient noise. "Since when do Jedi take orders from royalty?" Then, at a silent look of pleading from Obi-Wan, she sighed deeply and clipped the lightsaber back on her belt. "All right, all right! But I'm doing it as a personal favor to _you_, not her!"

Obi-Wan let a smile spread across his face until it crinkled the corners of his eyes. "Thank you," he said warmly, touched by the gesture. Siri only growled in response, and then side by side they rounded the corner.

The plan worked beautifully, for a change, and after a short wait and then a rip-roaring, knock-'em-down fistfight, Siri and Obi-Wan had their man in custody. It was none other than Pedar, Satine's personal assistant, and once they had him in binders and surrounded by clone troopers, they questioned him and he readily and proudly proclaimed himself to be a member of Death Watch and a "true Mandalorian warrior" unafraid to act on his own to bring down a pacifist "embarrassment to the name of Mandalore."

Seeing that everything was under control, Obi-Wan left the rest of the questioning to Siri and returned to the garbage chute to retrieve Satine. He leaped lightly down, using the Force to slow his fall so he wouldn't splash her any more than necessary when he landed in the waist-deep water at the bottom of the chute. He found her perched high on a pile of junk, her dirty purple gown and dampened hair somehow doing nothing to lessen her beauty even in the harsh light of a garbage chute.

"It's all right," he told her softly. "You're safe now."

At his instructions, she stepped onto his boots and wrapped her arms around his neck. He put one arm around her waist and with the other hand activated his liquid cable launcher. The cable shot straight up and its sharp point embedded itself in the metal near the chute's entrance. Obi-Wan thumbed the control to retract the cable, and together they rose slowly into the air.

"This certainly brings back memories," Satine murmured in his ear.

_Yes. _It certainly did. Memories that were as painful as they were beautiful, Obi-Wan thought with regret.

Once they were safely at the top and the clones had used their own grappling hooks to climb back into the corridor, he escorted her to the place where the prisoner was being held.

Satine listened to Pedar's confessions to Siri with remarkable calm for several minutes, but suddenly she interrupted and strode straight over to Pedar. "What's _this_?" she demanded.

Satine put her fingers under Pedar's chin and looked closely at his left eye, which was rapidly becoming puffy and discolored. She glared at Obi-Wan and Siri. "I said no fighting!"

"No you didn't, you said no lightsa-" Siri began indignantly, but Obi-Wan quickly clapped his hand over Siri's mouth.

"We're very sorry, your Highness," he said sincerely. "It won't happen again."

"I thought they called you 'the Negotiator,'" Satine said to Obi-Wan in disbelief. "Is this what you call negotiating?"

"It's called aggressive negotiations," Siri answered for Obi-Wan, shoving his hand away from her face.

"The Code permits it," Obi-Wan added hesitantly.

Satine waved her hand, as if pushing the argument aside. "I don't think I have the fortitude for one of our pleasant arguments right now, Obi-Wan," she said wearily. "All I want right now is to get cleaned up." She gathered up her wet skirts and swept out of the room.

"I think I could use some cleaning up myself," Obi-Wan said, glancing ruefully at the puddle on the deck created by his dripping tunic and trousers.

"Go on ahead," Siri said. "I'll finish up here."

Obi-Wan enjoyed a long, hot shower in the guest quarters he'd been assigned while the droids washed and dried his clothing. He had just finished dressing and was standing in front of the mirror, lost in thought, when Siri wandered through the door. She had never been one to stand on ceremony or bother with knocking.

"Obi-Wan, the Duchess says we've had an answer from Coruscant and they're sending another ship to retrieve us. It should arrive in about- _OBI-WAN KENOBI!_"

Obi-Wan jumped nearly a foot and frantically spun around, looking to see if another attacker was somehow in the room with them, but they were alone.

"Siri, you nearly gave me a heart attack! What's wrong?"

Siri put her hands on her hips and fixed her Steely Jedi Gaze on Obi-Wan, and suddenly he appreciated just how intimidating Siri could be when she put her mind to it.

"Put that razor down this instant," she said, enunciating each word very clearly, "and leave that beard right where it is!"

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Padme **

"And once, he was carrying me to 'safety' after we got attacked by a swarm of venom-mites on Draboon, and he _dropped_ me on my head!"

"He _did_? Oh, that's too much! You poor thing!" Siri patted Satine sympathetically on the back, and then both women dissolved into helpless laughter yet _again_. Obi-Wan harrumphed loudly from his corner, but they ignored him.

Satine and Siri were perched on an comfortably overstuffed sofa in the Duchess' receiving room, giggling freely together as they whiled away the hours on their damaged ship, waiting for a rescue ship to arrive from Coruscant.

Unfortunately for Obi-Wan, they had chosen to amuse each other by exchanging stories about him.

"Wait, wait, wait, I can top that!" Siri boasted. "Once, I went on a mission with him to Undiri, and-"

"Siri Tachi, don't you dare!" Obi-Wan burst out. "Not the Undiri story, please!"

Siri cocked an eyebrow at him, then turned her back on him deliberately. "He's still a little sensitive about that incident," she said confidentially to Satine. "You see, when the planet's governor invited us to the harvest ball, she also sent us the ceremonial clothing we were supposed to wear, and Obi-Wan's-" She couldn't go on for a moment, because she was laughing too hard. "And Obi-Wan's was..."

Obi-Wan didn't hear the rest of her sentence, mercifully, because he had left the room.

Grumbling under his breath, he stalked back to the rear of the ship. Judging from the jolt he had felt a few minutes ago, the ship had been captured by the tractor beam of their rescue ship, a spacious troop transport that could easily carry their smaller ship. Just as he reached the embarking ramp in the back, a second jolt told him the ship had been set down inside the hangar bay, and a few moments later the indicator light turned green to tell him it was safe to disembark.

And not a moment too soon. Obi-Wan felt he couldn't stand to be on the same ship as Siri and Satine for one more minute. He lowered the ramp and walked down, eager for a chance to have some alone time, and stopped in his tracks when he saw who was coming toward him with a welcoming smile on her face.

A floor-sweeping, fluttering teal gown. A softly feathered headdress, adding several inches to her petite height. Elegantly upswept brown hair and beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

_Padme Amidala._

"Master Kenobi," she said warmly.

"Senator!" he said, not bothering to hide his surprise. "What an unexpected pleasure." He bowed low and then took her hand when she offered it for a handshake. "I thought you were with Anakin."

Padme's eyes grew to saucer-size and her hand stiffened inside his. "Uh… w_ith_ Anakin?"

"On your homeworld, I mean. Isn't he supposed to be investigating the miner's uprising on the moons of Naboo?"

"Oh, the investigation." For some reason, Padme was blushing. "Sorry, I thought you meant... never mind. He's still on Naboo. The Chancellor asked if I was willing to accompany you to Nar Shaddaa before you bring the Duchess to Coruscant - there's been a change of plan."

"It was very kind of you to leave your own pressing matters to assist the Chancellor."

"Well, I'm doing it more for you than the Chancellor," Padme said. "Anakin was busy running around investigating the uprising and didn't really need my supervision, and I thought that since I can't have the apprentice, I might as well have the master."

Obi-Wan realized he was still holding Padme's hand, and dropped it like a hot rock.

"…to help with the transaction, I mean," Padme added hastily.

"Transaction?"

Padme smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry, Master Kenobi, I'm getting ahead of myself. I'll explain everything as soon as the Duchess and Master Tachi join us."

"I see," Obi-Wan said uneasily. A terrible thought had just occurred to him. "And, uh... what about your handmaiden Sabe? Did she accompany you?"

"No, not this time," Padme said.

"Thank the Force," Obi-Wan muttered under his breath. Things were getting complicated enough as it was.

* * *

Soon they were once again zipping through hyperspace, this time en route to Nar Shaddaa, and Padme, Siri, Satine and Obi-Wan sat sipping tea together in the Duchess' receiving chambers as Padme explained the situation.

"A man on Nar Shaddaa, known as Judan, makes a living buying secrets and then selling them to interested parties," she told them. "He contacted Chancellor Palpatine and claims to have inside information on Death Watch. He has a reputation for selling accurate information, so the Chancellor has authorized me to meet with him as an official representative of the Senate and buy the information."

Satine's face was hopeful. "If he can tell us whether or not Death Watch is aligned with the Separatists… if he can even tell us who their leader is and how to find him, it could be the first step toward negotiating peace!"

Together, the four of them began to work out a plan. As a target of Death Watch, Satine insisted she had a right to be a part of the transaction, and knowing her stubbornness, Obi-Wan did not try to argue.

Padme, on the other hand, was a different story. Despite protests from all three women, he insisted that only he and Satine should approach Judan at the designated meeting place.

"Senator Amidala, you will hold the credits and stay out of sight nearby with Siri to guard you. You may join us when I've determined it's safe."

"The Chancellor sent _me_ to make the transaction!" Padme objected. "I'm not going to hide in a corner while you do it! Why should I?"

"Because, Senator, you have a tendency to attract trouble."

"Obi-Wan, relax. She has a blaster and she knows how to use it," Siri said. "She's a senator, not a damsel in distress!"

"I beg to differ. Every time I'm with her, someone tries to assassinate her. During the Battle of Naboo, at her apartment on Coruscant, in the arena on Geonosis..."

"Maybe _you're_ the one who attracts the trouble," Satine said, looking pointedly at his lightsaber hilt. Obi-Wan ignored this.

"Senator, you'll stay hidden until we're ready to make the transaction," he said firmly.

"I don't need protection," Padme insisted, folding her arms across her chest.

"Then do it to protect _me_. Because Anakin will kill me if anything happens to you."

Padme hesitated. "You may have a point there," she grudgingly admitted.

The hour had grown late while they talked, and once they were in full agreement on how to proceed when they arrived at Nar Shaddaa in the morning, the four of them said their goodnights and each headed to their respective quarters.

Padme had nearly reached the door to her quarters when Obi-Wan suddenly came up behind her.

"Senator, if I may, I must beg your forgiveness for insisting that you remain out of sight," he said earnestly. "It was not my intention to suggest that you can't take care of yourself."

"Master Kenobi, an apology really isn't necessary, but if you want my forgiveness, then you are welcome to it."

"It's just that… I no longer think of it as my duty to protect you." Obi-Wan's blue-green eyes were intent on hers. "I think of you as my friend, and I want you to be safe for my own peace of mind. Please understand."

"It's all right, Master Kenobi. I trust you." Her eyes softened. "In fact, there's no one I trust more than you. I think of you as my friend, too."

"Then you must call me Obi-Wan."

"And you must call me Padme."

Spontaneously, they both moved forward to give each other a brief kiss on the cheek.

"Good night, Padme."

"Good night, Obi-Wan."

Padme hesitated in her doorway a moment and watched Obi-Wan stroll down the corridor and say a quick good night to Siri before he disappeared through the door to his assigned quarters. He was a good man, she thought to herself. A _nice_ man, even, and they seemed to be in short supply in the galaxy these days.

Suddenly, she remembered the day she had brought Anakin home to meet her family, back when Anakin had been assigned to protect her on Naboo just before the Battle of Geonosis broke out. Her sister had pulled her aside in the kitchen and began teasing Padme relentlessly about what she perceived as an attraction between her and the young Padawan.

"I happen to like _nice_ men," she had told her sister dismissively, and at the time she had thought she meant it. Anakin certainly had not struck her as nice, given his arrogant rant in front of Queen Jamillia just hours before: "_**I'm**_ _in charge of security, mi'lady_!"

But despite what she had said, and against all better judgment, Padme had finally been forced to admit to herself that was falling for a young man who, although he had moments of niceness, was really more of a scoundrel at heart. Padme smiled to herself. And she loved her scoundrel with a passion that a nicer man never could have awoken in her.

Maybe a wiser woman would have chosen the Master over the apprentice. But the Master would have chosen the Code over _her_, so it was just as well things had worked out this way. Dressed in her nightgown, Padme climbed into bed and comforted herself with thoughts of Anakin until she finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Nar Shaddaa, also known as the Smugglers Moon due to its proliferation of lawlessness, seemed to consist of a perpetual maze of dark alleyways in which covert activities of all kinds took place. Obi-Wan and Satine met their contact in one of these deserted passageways, which was shadowed by an enormous water tower overhead. Judan was a blue-skinned Twi'lek who wore a garishly colored suit and a cunning smile that was more like a grimace. As Satine began bargaining for the information he held, Obi-Wan was intensely aware of and grateful for Siri's presence nearby, hidden with Padme just inside the abandoned warehouse looming to his right. He had successfully worked with other Jedi on many missions, but for some reason he never felt more confident than when Siri was with him.

Judan drove a hard bargain. He haggled like a Hutt, and after a great deal of back-and-and-forth offers and counter-offers among the three of them, Satine, with a nod of approval from Obi-Wan, made their final offer.

"Ten thousand credits," she said. Obi-Wan held his breath. That was the most the Senate had authorized them to spend.

Judan considered it for a long moment. "You have a deal," he said.

"Twelve thousand!" a feminine voice suddenly rang out from up above. Startled, the three of them turned as one to look up. A figure in a dark robe stood on a high window ledge overlooking their position, her face hidden in shadow.

"Excuse me, we're in the middle of a deal," Judan shouted up at her, clearly annoyed. "Who the kriff do you think you are?"

"I'm the one who's going to pay you more than they are." She leapt down from the ledge, landing nimbly, and strolled toward them casually. She paused in front of Obi-Wan, tilting her face up to get a good look at him.

"Well, well, well. Obi-Wan Kenobi," the woman purred. "I was hoping they would send you." She pushed her hood back, revealing her bone-white face and tattooed bald head. "I've missed you, my darling."

_Oh... Sithspit!_

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: Ventress**

"Ventress," Obi-Wan said flatly. "And here I thought this mission was going to be unpleasant."

The black-robed Dark Acolyte of the Sith stalked close behind him, her long fingers tickling across the back of his neck. "The pleasure's all mine, Obi-Wan," she whispered into his ear, making him shiver. Or shudder. With Ventress, it was sometimes hard to tell the difference.

"Ventress... can we do this later?" he said uncomfortably.

"Do it later?" Ventress breathed huskily. "What's the matter, Obi-Wan? Too good to flirt with me in front of _her_?" She looked scornfully at the Duchess of Mandalore, resplendent in her ceremonial robes and headdress. Satine stared back at her, not intimidated.

"Hello, everyone? Can we take care of business before pleasure?" Judan cut in. "You're willing to pay 12,000 credits, lady?"

"Of course," Ventress said, her voice honey-sweet. "I will pay all of it up front. You will not regret doing business with me."

"Let me see the credits."

"Surely you don't think I am so stupid as to carry that many credits around with me, in a place like this, with crooks like these around?" Ventress gestured contemptuously at Obi-Wan and Satine.

"Look, lady, I pride myself on not taking sides," Judan said. "I don't care who I sell to, but I've got to see the credits with my own eyes."

"I will take you to it. It isn't far."

"She can't be trusted," Obi-Wan cut in quickly. "She will cheat you as soon as look at you, but we have our credits here, now. We're ready to give them to you."

"Let me see them, then," Judan snapped. "I grow impatient."

Obi-Wan gestured to Padme, who emerged from her hiding place with a lockbox in her hands. Ventress laughed as she took in the sight of Padme's perfectly coiffed hair and elegantly draped cloak.

"_Another _noble lady, Kenobi?" she said incredulously, looking back and forth between Padme and Satine. "Which do you favor, the blonde or the brunette? Or are you starting a harem?"

"I don't care much one way or the other, as long as she _has_ hair," Obi-Wan said before he could stop himself.

Ventress smoldered with rage.

Padme opened the lockbox, tilting it so Judan could see the contents. The credits rattled against the side of the box.

A smile spread across Judan's face. The spy pulled a datachip out of his jacket pocket and slowly extended it. Satine took the box from Padme and held it out to Judan at the same time, so they could make a simultaneous trade. Obi-Wan casually stepped to the side until he was standing between Ventress and the datachip. Her hands were hanging loosely at her sides, nowhere near her twin lightsaber hilts - he knew from past experience that she kept them clipped at the back of her belt - but Obi-Wan felt nervous just the same. Ventress was not going to let the datachip go without a fight, he was sure. Instinctively he touched his own lightsaber hilt. Ventress saw the gesture and smirked at him just as Satine and Judan made the exchange.

Suddenly, Ventress lifted her hand in a swift movement and Force-pushed Obi-Wan with violent strength. He couldn't block the blow in time and flew back, crashing into Satine and Judan. All three of them tumbled to the ground. Credit chips fell like rain, clinking on the durocrete. The datachip skittered away and, from his prone position on the ground tangled up with Satine and Judan, Obi-Wan saw it come to rest against a stylish black boot.

His gaze moved up and he saw a flash of brilliant purple as a cloaked figure stooped swiftly and picked up the datachip just as Padme dove for it and came up empty-handed. An instant later, Obi-Wan lost sight of the newcomer as Judan shoved him over and frantically began gathering the spilled credits.

Ventress shrieked in rage and charged in the direction of the purple-cloaked figure. Satine scrambled to her feet just in time to jump in front of Ventress. Both women crashed onto the ground. Ventress kicked at Satine viciously and tried to get up, but the Duchess fiercely clung to the Dark Acolyte's ankle.

Obi-Wan finally managed to get around Judan and ignited his lightsaber, running straight at Ventress. Satine suddenly let go of the boot and the two women split apart, rolling to their feet simultaneously. Obi-Wan leaped in between them. Ventress had her red lightsabers ignited now too, and she eyed Obi-Wan warily. They both risked a glance in the direction the datachip had just gone. The purple-cloaked figure had disappeared, and so had Padme. There was no sign of Siri anywhere. Obi-Wan prayed that Siri, or Padme, or both, were in pursuit of the mysterious thief. He had his hands full right now with Ventress. He felt Satine's presence behind him, and vowed silently to make sure no harm came to her, no matter what happened.

"What are you waiting for, Jedi scum?" Ventress snarled. "Attack!"

Obi-Wan looked back uncertainly at Satine. "Aren't you going to tell me not to fight?"

Satine thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "Her, you can fight."

"Oh," Obi-Wan said, surprised. "Thank you very much."

Judan apparently decided this was a good time to depart. Leaving the last few credits on the ground, the spy skittered for the exit.

Ventress wore a feral smile. "I'm all yours, Obi-Wan," she purred. Swift as a viper, she leaped forward and two red blades came slicing down at him. Obi-Wan lifted his blue blade and parried the double blow with ease.

"Coming here was a mistake, my sweet," he responded. "You cannot win."

"We'll see about that!" And Ventress unleashed a whirlwind of spinning blades, flicking here and there at Obi-Wan so that he was forced to give ground and move his blade as fast as he could to keep up with the onslaught. Ventress nearly had him backed into a corner of the alleyway when he suddenly turned and ran _up_ the wall a few steps, gaining enough speed and height to flip neatly over her head and Force-shove her so hard that she slammed against the wall and dropped both lightsabers.

"You'll have to do better than that, my darling," he taunted.

Ventress glowered at him. "How about this?" she spit out, stretching out her hand toward him and then clenching it into a tight fist. Suddenly, Obi-Wan clutched desperately at his throat; he couldn't breathe. Ventress laughed wickedly, squeezing tighter and tighter so that stars swam in his vision.

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?" she mocked.

Behind Ventress, Obi-Wan could see Satine tiptoeing forward to scoop up one of Ventress' dropped lightsabers, but she never even got the chance to activate it; without looking back the Dark Acolyte stretched her other hand out and Force-yanked the hilt out of Satine's hand and back to her own.

Luckily, the incident broke Ventress' concentration for a moment, and Obi-Wan was able to break free of the Force-choke and immediately lunge forward with his lightsaber. Ventress brought her single blade up just in time to parry, and they launched into a furious series of blade-clashes in which neither one was able to land a blow.

It seemed for several minutes that they were at an impasse there under the shadow of the water tower when they heard the roar of a engine approaching, and out of the corner of his eye Obi-Wan saw a speeder appear and abruptly halt at the other end of the alleyway. The mysterious purple-cloaked figure who had stolen the datachip was seated at the controls, a translucent veil obscuring most of her face. Siri was seated next to her and Padme was in the back of the speeder.

With a tremendous leap, Siri was out of the speeder and by Obi-Wan's side in moments, her lightsaber joining his in the dizzying dance of death with Ventress. Obi-Wan and Siri moved in perfect synch, gracefully weaving around each other to take turns driving Ventress back.

The Dark Acolyte's expression had lost all mockery and her pale skin was covered in a sheen of sweat as she tried to fend off two Jedi Masters who fought in perfect harmony with one another. In desperation, she seized the opportunity when Obi-Wan was slightly off-balance from parrying a blow and lashed out with her fist, landing a jarring blow to Obi-Wan's nose; a cheap shot. He staggered back and felt blood pour down his face.

Siri momentarily lost her Jedi cool. "Get your hands off him, Sith witch!" she screamed, and with blue eyes flashing she Force-pushed Ventress into the stone wall so hard that it collapsed, loose stones tumbling down until they pinned Ventress to the ground.

Breathing hard, Obi-Wan and Siri looked down at Ventress, now disarmed, dazed, and half-buried in rubble. As one they deactivated their lightsabers and clipped them to their belts.

Siri smirked at Ventress and brushed off her hands with satisfaction. "Don't you ever touch him again, or I will personally see to it that you pay the price!" she added as a parting shot as she tugged Obi-Wan toward the speeder to make their escape.

Obi-Wan hesitated to leave Ventress in such a predicament; although he knew he shouldn't, he found their fights immensely entertaining and he would hate to see them end. He glanced back and was relieved to see the largest stone covering Ventress rising smoothly into the air; using levitation, the Dark Acolyte would be free in a minute.

"Obi-Wan, come _on_!" Siri shouted at him. The speeder's engine revved.

Reluctantly, Obi-Wan turned away from Ventress. "What about the datachip?" he asked Siri as they jogged toward the speeder.

"I have it," she answered, holding it up and gesturing toward the purple-cloaked and veiled woman seated at the controls of the speeder. "_She_ gave it to us. She says she's on our side."

Curious, Obi-Wan looked closely at the woman as they approached the speeder. The fluttering veil hid most of her features, but somehow he knew that underneath was a face more beautiful than any he had seen before. She stared back at him through the gap between her hood and veil; she had sea-green eyes fringed with lush, soot-black eyelashes, and a sorrowful gaze.

And that's when he stopped dead in his tracks. Siri tugged at the sleeve of his robe, but Obi-Wan stayed rooted stubbornly to the spot.

"Obi-Wan, what are you doing?" Siri hissed at him.

"I know those eyes," Obi-Wan said, struggling to keep his composure, "and Siri, I think I'd rather fight with Ventress than go with _her_."

"Why? You know her? Who is she?"

"She always claims she wants to help me," Obi-Wan said grimly, "but whenever she shows up I always end up getting hurt."

"What nonsense are you talking now?" Siri said impatiently, bodily pulling him toward the speeder.

"I just realized," Obi-Wan said. "She's exactly like Anakin in that respect. Remember the incident with the gundarks? How he took all the credit for saving me, when he was the one who knocked me into the nest in the first place? That's just the kind of thing that happens when _she_ shows up."

"Obi-Wan, you're babbling! Don't be a baby and just get in!" Siri swung into the front seat. The speeder only had four seats, so Obi-Wan perched on the edge of the back seat with his feet resting between Satine and Padme. A quick glance to the left revealed that Ventress was now free of the rubble and charging full-speed towards them, empty-handed but terrifying nonetheless.

"Hit the accelerator!" Padme yelled, and the veiled woman obeyed just as the Dark Acolyte neared them.

"Come and get me!" Ventress screeched at Obi-Wan, whipping off her confining black skirt as she ran.

Stunned by the unexpected sight, Obi-Wan forgot to hold on to the speeder. The force of its sudden acceleration sent him tumbling off the back end and into a disgraceful heap on the durocrete. By the time he staggered to his feet, the speeder was already far out of reach. In the distance he could see Siri half standing in her seat to look back at him with a surprised expression on her face.

"You see what I mean?" he shouted piteously to her just as Ventress tackled him from behind.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Too many women**

In the speeder, Siri, Satine and Padme all looked back in time to see Obi-Wan, stunned by the sight of Ventress shedding her skirt, fall off the back of their speeder.

"I don't believe it," Padme said in shock.

"The oldest trick in the book," Siri said with disgust.

"...and he fell for it," Satine finished contemptuously.

"Turn around," Siri told the purple-cloaked woman piloting the speeder.

The speeder whipped around in a tight circle and returned to the alleyway, where Ventress had just flattened Obi-Wan with a flying kick to his midsection. Obi-Wan kicked her feet out from under her and then they were both rolling around on the ground, Obi-Wan trying desperately to get away and Ventress doing anything and everything she could to hurt him before he did.

The purple-cloaked woman was a skilled pilot; the speeder slewed around and came to a stop just a foot away from the two combatants, and with lightning-fast reflexes Siri reached out and grabbed one of Obi-Wan's arms. Ventress currently had a death-grip on his other wrist, but Siri was just as strong as the Dark Acolyte. Obi-Wan was now stretched like a rope between the two women, a grimace etched on his face.

For half a moment Siri thought of igniting her lightsaber with her other hand and using _that_ to remove Ventress' hand, but unfortunately Ventress was just out of reach, and Siri was afraid of hitting Obi-Wan by mistake anyway.

The three of them seemed to be at an impasse, when suddenly Padme leaned over the edge of the speeder and grabbed Obi-Wan's arm, too. Siri and Padme pulled together, and Obi-Wan moved infinitesimally toward them. Ventress' eyes blazed with fury. She gritted her teeth and yanked back, hard. Obi-Wan let out a strangled cry as he felt his left shoulder separate.

Then Satine crowded in next to Padme and got a hold of Obi-Wan's hand. "Pull!" she shouted. "Pull! Pull!" The three women pulled in unison, and on the third pull Ventress lost her grip and Obi-Wan lurched into the side of the speeder.

Three pairs of helping hands had him halfway into the speeder when Ventress grabbed his boot. "You can't get away from me!" she growled. Obi-Wan kicked furiously, but her hand seemed to be welded to his ankle. Now he had Siri and Padme pulling on his right arm and Ventress pulling on his leg, showing him a whole new meaning to the word pain.

"Grab his other arm!" Padme yelled at Satine.

"No, I think it got dislocated, I don't want to hurt him!" Satine yelled, pulling on Obi-Wan by the neck instead and half-throttling him.

"Pay attention to my lead, we've got to pull _together_!" Siri yelled at the other two, but Padme had let go of Obi-Wan's arm to forcibly pry Satine's hand off his neck, and as they were both distracted by this new struggle neither one heard her. Ventress dug her heels in and yanked at his foot with all her might.

_I had a bad feeling about all of this,_ Obi-Wan thought fiercely as he felt himself begin to slip off the speeder again,_ but would Siri listen to me? No, of course not, she never does, no one ever takes me seriously when I say that, and now look! Why am I always the one who pays?_

"Let go!" he gasped helplessly, and he wasn't even sure which of them he was talking to. Maybe all of them.

"STOP IT, ALL OF YOU!" a new voice screamed, and the voice was so piercing and authoritative that all of them, even Ventress, froze for an instant. They all turned as one to see the mysterious newcomer standing by the side of the speeder, her purple cloak swirling around her in a sudden breeze and her face obscured by a translucent veil of shimmersilk. She lifted her chin and said in a commanding voice:

"Hands off, girls! He's MINE!"

Siri, Padme and Satine stared at the stranger, dumbfounded.

"What do you mean, _yours_?" Ventress spat. "Who _are_ you?"

"Who am I?" she repeated softly, dangerously. "Who am _I_?"

In one swift graceful motion, the woman pulled off her veil and hood. Gorgeous wavy red hair tumbled down her back and framed her perfect heart-shaped face and sparkling sea-green eyes. She reached down to her belt and pulled out a slender lightsaber, activating its glowing pink blade with a snap-hiss. She struck a dramatic pose and bared her teeth defiantly at Ventress.

"My name is Mari Su, and I am the bane of the Sith! You look upon your destruction, Asajj Ventress! Look well, for I will be the last thing you ever see! No one touches my beloved and lives to tell the tale!"

A profound silence settled over the dark alleyway. It was broken at last when Siri made a sound that might have been a cough, although it sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

Bewildered, Ventress turned her gaze onto Obi-Wan. "How many lady friends do you _have_?" she demanded of him.

"This is the last one, I swear!" Obi-Wan blurted out.

Ventress studied Mari Su carefully, and a crafty smile slowly crept across her face. Abruptly, she released Obi-Wan's foot and turned to face Mari Su, wearing her best Steely Sith Gaze. "I know how to deal with the likes of _you_," she said ominously.

Mari Su's confidence did not waver; her bearing was regal as she pointed with her pink lightsaber at the pile of rubble Ventress had been buried in.

"Go on. Retrieve your lightsabers," she said coolly. "I will wait."

"That won't be necessary, my dear," Ventress said condescendingly. Instead, she lifted a bone-white hand and fixed her concentration on one of the legs of the water storage tank towering above them. Obi-Wan felt the rumble of the Force move through the air, and the support bent with a groan. High above them, the water tank wobbled dangerously.

"You think you can defeat me using the Force alone?" Mari Su said calmly. "Very well." She deactivated her blade and crossed her arms expectantly. "Do your worst, Sith witch!"

Siri tugged silently on Obi-Wan's robe, and quickly she helped him climb into the back of the idling speeder. Padme and Satine were already in the front two seats.

Ventress laughed wickedly as another wave of her hand crumpled the metal strut completely, and with a deafening metallic shriek the enormous water tank began a slow crashing descent to the ground. Nimble as an oro deer, Ventress leaped aside to safety. Padme hit the accelerator and the speeder lurched out of the way as the tank hurtled down, heading straight toward Mari Su's head.

With a smirk, Mari Su gracefully leaped upward and kicked the water tank moments before it hit the ground. To everyone's surprise, the massive water tank veered away from her as though it were as light as a puff-weed. Narrowly missing Ventress, it crashed into the durocrete ten feet away from Mari Su, who stood her ground with a serene smile on her face.

"Is that the best you can do?" she mocked Ventress.

Then the tidal wave of water from the shattered tank washed over Mari Su, soaking her in an instant and dousing her lightsaber. Inexplicably, sparks flew out of Mari Su's body, and she began to tremble violently, as though she were being electrocuted. Obi-Wan stared in a horrified kind of way; he had seen the woman exhibit impossible strength before, but he had never seen her do anything like this.

"Go! Just go!" Satine said, shaking Padme out of her fascinated reverie. "Before Ventress comes back for Obi-Wan!" Padme obeyed, and as they zipped away in the speeder Siri skewed around in her seat to look back.

"Stars and galaxies!" she exclaimed, her eyes huge. "Would you look at that!"

Obi-Wan was hunched over in his seat cradling his separated shoulder, feeling grumpy and completely uninterested in looking back.

But Satine did. "What in the...?" she breathed. "How is that even _possible_?"

Padme spared a glance back and nearly wrecked the speeder when she saw what Siri and Satine were looking at.

"What? What's happening?" Obi-Wan said, curious despite himself. He tried to turn around, causing pain to shoot through his shoulder, but the speeder went around a corner before he could see.

"It was Mari Su! She... she _shorted out_," Satine said in awe.

"What do you mean, shorted out? Obi-Wan demanded. "You mean she was a..." His voice trailed off. "But she _couldn't_ have been a- a-"

"A droid?" Satine said. "Apparently she was."

"But who would build something like that? Why?" Obi-Wan wondered darkly. _If I ever find out who made her, I will cut him into pieces!_ he vowed silently.

Next to Obi-Wan, Siri smirked. "I knew Mari Su was too good to be true," she said, folding her arms in a self-satisfied kind of way.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

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_Author's note: Can anyone recommend an outstanding beta for a fanfic I'm working on? I'm looking for someone to read a novel-length AU prequel rewrite and help me spot any plot inconsistencies or characterization problems. There will be very few grammar/spelling corrections to make (this story is an example of what my un-beta'ed stories look like). I can give more details to anyone who is interested.__ Thank you very much!_**  
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	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Splice was not accustomed to being in the presence of even one female, much less three of them. They made the clone medic nervous, in spite of the fact that they were much pleasanter to look at than his usual patients - or perhaps _because_ of it.

The clone had attempted to treat General Kenobi's injuries - a bloody nose, a separated shoulder and numerous bruises and small lacerations - as soon as General Tachi, Duchess Satine and Senator Amidala had brought him aboard, but he had been summarily brushed aside as the three women insisted on caring for Kenobi themselves.

Now Splice had nothing better to do than watch, bemused, as the three women crowded around General Kenobi where he lay on the medbed. Senator Amidala was carefully dabbing bacta salve on each of the Jedi Master's many bruises. The Duchess was gently blotting away the blood on his face while General Tachi perched on a stool, her hands resting lightly on his left shoulder as she used one of those mysterious Jedi healing techniques to knit the ligaments back together. Splice had no idea how that worked, but he had often wished he had the gift. It seemed medical supplies were always scarce, and it would be nice if he could treat his injured brothers using only his hands.

"Siri!" General Kenobi exclaimed, suddenly propping himself up on one elbow.

"Sorry, did I hurt you?" General Tachi asked, quickly withdrawing her hands from his shoulder. "You know Force-healing has never really been my thing."

"No, that isn't it. It's actually feeling much better now," Kenobi said. "I just wanted to make sure you still have the datachip. If we went through all of that for nothing..."

General Tachi pulled a datachip out of one of the pockets in her flight suit and held it up with a smile. "It's right here, safe and sound," she assured him, and he lay back down on the medbed, apparently satisfied.

"Are you comfortable, Obi-Wan?" the Duchess asked solicitously. "Can I get you anything?"

"Um... would you mind bringing me a drink of water?"

"Of course not. I'll be right back." The Duchess touched General Kenobi's hand softly for a moment and then swept past Splice out of the room.

"Do you need anything else?" Senator Amidala asked. "I can go and find you something to eat, if you want. I could probably talk the commissary into sending down some real food for you instead of those horrible field rations they're reheating now. You can smell it from three decks away." She shuddered expressively.

"Later, perhaps. What I really want right now is a clean tunic," Obi-Wan said wistfully, looking down at the blood-spattered, formerly white tunic he was wearing.

"I'll run down to your quarters and get one," the Senator said eagerly, and she also swept out of the room.

Splice wondered if he should offer to run an errand for General Kenobi, too, since he wasn't doing much good here. He continued to monitor the man's vital signs on the diagnostic screen on the wall, but everything looked normal and the clone's gaze was drawn back to the medbed, where General Tachi was now carefully massaging General Kenobi's shoulder and arm.

"Poor thing," she murmured, so low that Splice could barely hear her. "This has been a rough mission for you, hasn't it?"

"I don't know," General Kenobi said with a hint of a smile. "The last 15 minutes have been all right."

General Tachi pretended to get mad. "Just all right?" she demanded.

"Extremely all right," General Kenobi amended, and in response General Tachi laughed and playfully messed up his hair.

Splice shifted his feet uncomfortably. Maybe he really should go run an errand. It seemed like the two of them had forgotten he was there, anyway. But before he could make it to the door, the Duchess came back in with a glass of water and beckoned to him. "Help him sit up, please," she said, and Splice obeyed, pressing the control to raise the medbed up so General Kenobi could take a drink comfortably.

Then Senator Amidala returned, and the three women helped him take off the bloodstained tunic and put on the clean one, laughing as they got in each other's way in their eagerness to help.

"I don't get it," a familiar voice growled from behind Splice, and he turned around to see his assistant and fellow clone, Patch, had entered the room and was now watching the scene with a scowl.

"Don't get what?" Splice asked.

"_That_," Patch said, gesturing irritably at the women surrounding General Kenobi. "Here we have three beautiful women on board, and a whole ship full of men dying for a little female attention, and who do they lavish it on? The one man on the ship who isn't permitted to _enjoy_ female attention!" He clenched his fists, clearly annoyed. "It just isn't right!"

* * *

The trip to Coruscant passed by uneventfully, and their ship landed near the Republic Executive Building. Duchess Satine was to meet with Chancellor Palpatine there to show him the datachip they had bought on Nar Shaddaa, which indicated Death Watch was indeed affiliated with the Separatists now.

Obi-Wan and Siri walked with Satine down the ship's embarking ramp. Two of the Chancellor's red-robed guards were waiting a short distance away to accompany her to the entrance of the dome-shaped building.

"Thank you both for your assistance," Satine said formally, making eye contact with each of them in turn. "You both took great personal risk to ensure my safety, and I am in your debt."

"It was our pleasure to serve you," Siri said, equally formally. Then abruptly she dropped the facade and gave Satine a quick hug, adding, "and thanks for the girl talk. I really appreciated your advice."

"You're welcome," Satine said, returning Siri's hug.

"Uh... advice?" Obi-Wan asked blankly.

"Girl stuff," Satine said dismissively. "You wouldn't be interested."

"I see," Obi-Wan said, uneasy for some reason he couldn't quite explain.

"Well, good luck with the Chancellor," Siri said to Satine.

"Remember that he's a politician, and they're not to be trusted," Obi-Wan added.

"I'll remember. Thank you," Satine said. She looked at Obi-Wan and seemed about to say something more, but then she hesitated.

Siri smiled knowingly and touched Obi-Wan's sleeve. "I'll see you in a minute," she said, and disappeared back into the ship, leaving Obi-Wan alone with Satine.

They stood there in silence for several long moments. Satine fiddled with the gold trim on the edge of her sleeve. Obi-Wan tucked his hands inside his robe and tried to put on his Serene Jedi Gaze, but he couldn't quite manage it. Not now.

"Do you think we'll see each other again?" Satine asked, her eyes suddenly locking onto his.

"I don't know..." Obi-Wan said slowly. "It's a big galaxy."

"And you must go wherever your duty takes you," Satine said softly. "Although you told me once..." she seemed to struggle for a moment. "You said, all those years ago, that you would stay with me if I asked you to."

"And I meant it then," Obi-Wan said gently, "But it would have been a mistake, Satine. My place is with the Order. I know that now. Perhaps we could have been happy, but I must follow my destiny, and you must follow yours. Your people need you."

Satine let out a long sigh. "It was something of a miracle that we were able to see each other even a second time, wasn't it?"

"A blessing," Obi-Wan agreed. "For which I am very grateful."

"So am I." Satine stood on her tiptoes and pressed a warm kiss against his cheek. "Take care of yourself, please, Obi-Wan. I worry about you. For a guardian of the peace, you seem to get in more than your fair share of fights."

Obi-Wan kissed her cheek. "I promise I'll try to negotiate my way out of them as much as I can. For you. But only if you promise me that you'll be careful, too. You seem to attract quite a bit of trouble yourself."

"I promise. May the Force be with you, Obi-Wan."

"May the Force be with you, Satine."

* * *

Padme, Siri and Obi-Wan flew to the Temple next. They'd been contacted by the Jedi Council and informed that Anakin had returned from Naboo, having successfully completed his mission to investigate the miners' uprising. Master Windu had invited Padme, as Senator of Naboo, to come to the Temple for the debriefing session.

When they stepped out of the ship onto one of the retractable landing platforms on the side of the Temple, Anakin was waiting for them. Obi-Wan tried not to be bothered by the way Anakin and Padme nearly ran to greet each other. It was easy to see the eager smile on Anakin's face as he murmured something to Padme in an undertone, too low for Obi-Wan to make out what it was, and Padme's smile was as brilliant as the sun as she whispered something back to Anakin.

Well, Anakin was a Knight now and he knew his business. He had assured Obi-Wan many times, when gently questioned, that his relationship with Padme was purely platonic, and despite Obi-Wan's uneasiness with the situation, he knew such a thing was possible. Hadn't he achieved it, with Siri?

Speaking of whom...

"I don't believe I've thanked you properly for rescuing me from Ventress," he told Siri.

"You're right, you haven't."

"I most sincerely and earnestly thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sparing me the unpleasantness of having to beat Ventress once again. Or, possibly, getting beat by her."

"That's very sweet, but it still isn't a proper thank you."

Obi-Wan tried again. "You are an incredibly skilled swordswoman, and a loyal friend, and I would have been in deep trouble if you hadn't been there to help me." He bowed to her and kissed the back of her hand. "You have my eternal gratitude."

"Nope. Try again."

"Oh, come on! What more do you want from me?"

A slow, wicked grin spread across Siri's face.

"Oh, no. No. No, no, no, no, no. I will not wash your socks for you again, Siri!"

"I wasn't thinking that!" Siri protested.

"Well, that's good, because cleaning is for droids."

A short silence fell between them.

"So," Obi-Wan said, clearing his throat, "what _did_ you have in mind?"

* * *

A short distance away, Padme was telling Anakin all about their adventures on Nar Shaddaa.

"...and Mari Su distracted Ventress for a minute, but then Ventress destroyed her - it turned out she was actually a droid, can you believe that?"

"Ventress destroyed her?" Anakin asked sharply. His mechanical fist clenched in annoyance. "Kriff it all! I'll have to build her all over again!"

"Wait a minute... _you_ built Mari Su?"

"Of course I did! Someone has to look out for Obi-Wan when I'm not around."

"Oh, Ani, for goodness sake! He's a Jedi Master! He can take care of himself!"

"I can't lose him, Padme," Anakin said tightly. "I _won't_."

Padme threw up her hands helplessly. "Well, I guess you know what you're doing. But if she's just a bodyguard, why did you have to make her look like _that_?"

"What was I supposed to do, make her ugly? I had to make sure Obi-Wan liked her well enough to let her hang around him. I guessed he might have a soft spot for redheads. I know I do."

Padme glared at Anakin.

"I mean, I like them second-best, after brunettes," Anakin amended hastily.

"Well, you should make the new version blonde," Padme said, partly mollified. "See?" She pointed at Obi-Wan and Siri.

Anakin and Padme watched the pair from a distance for a few moments. It was hard to miss the way she and Obi-Wan were smiling at each other, and the way they unconsciously mirrored each other's body language: leaning in toward each other, using similar hand gestures, and holding eye contact a bit longer than necessary.

"Oh, they always do that," Anakin said dismissively. "It doesn't mean anything. They're just friends."

But Padme was intrigued by the intensity in Obi-Wan's eyes as he looked at Siri. Something Siri said made him glance away momentarily, looking embarrassed, but then a grin stole across his face, and he looked back at Siri and laughed, his eyes twinkling.

But Obi-Wan's eyes raked past Padme as they traveled back to look at Siri, and something about them suddenly made her knees go weak. Padme found herself inexplicably breathless.

Anakin looked at her, concerned. "Come on, let's go in out of this wind," he said, taking Padme by the elbow.

Padme reluctantly followed Anakin toward the entrance, but she couldn't help but sneak a surreptitious look back at Obi-Wan as they walked.

So he was capable of passion after all.

If she had known that, before...

Would she have...?

Oh, well. Too late now.

* * *

"Well, Master Kenobi," Siri said, "I don't know about you, but I'm ready to go home."

"Me, too," Obi-Wan said, putting his arm around Siri's shoulder and giving her a little squeeze. "Let's go home."

"I have a little confession to make," Siri said as they turned toward the entrance to the Temple.

_Oh, no._ "What is it?"

"I didn't really tell Satine about the interesting apparel you got to wear to the ball on Undiri."

"You didn't?" Obi-Wan asked, surprised. After a moment's thought, he added: "You know, Siri, you've been a little nicer to me than usual during this mission."

"Have I? I must be losing my touch."

They both laughed as together, they entered the Temple. They were home.

**THE END**

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_A/N: Many, many thanks to all of you who reviewed as I posted each chapter! To my other readers, I'd love to know what you thought! Good, bad, indifferent, just click that pretty little "Review" button and drop me a line! Thanks!_


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